


The Light within the Star

by chris_phd



Category: Guardians of the Galaxy (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Childhood Memories, Depression, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Suicidal Thoughts, peter is one sandwich away from being fat, you wanted angst there it is also some space monopoly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-01
Updated: 2018-05-01
Packaged: 2019-04-30 21:42:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14506050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chris_phd/pseuds/chris_phd
Summary: We find the stars after their light.The light feels safe inside the stars.They grow together, live together and die together.Gamora's days are counted by the number of destructive thoughts she has each days. Nightmares that keep her up, voices echoing in her head...but all this seem to dim or even disappear when Peter and the rest of crew is around her.Peter Quill, in his careless,annoying, joking way it seems to be Gamora's best medicine to get away from all this pain.





	The Light within the Star

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Gamora](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gamora/gifts).



> _There were nights when I was waking up abruptly for no reason. I first presumed that my own modification are alerting me of a malfunction since I am used to train everyday with Drax…but I was so wrong._
> 
> _Night after night my thoughts started to became more consistent, transforming into nightmares._
> 
> _I used to wake up next to Peter and tremble so hard that he would jump not knowing from where that shaking comes. He would hold my hand and ask me what I dream._

“Hey, another nightmare?...what was it this time? Rocket bombing us? Cuz’ damn I had that one…or Groot stepping on my Zune...”

He would have look at me curious waiting for an answer but my reply will always be the same.

“I..I don’t remember. Sorry, let’s go back to sleep.”

> _But I remembered everything._
> 
>  

* * *

 

> _Some dreams were about the day my family was took away from me._
> 
> _Others were about the days my father used to carry me on his shoulders when we were on our search for some food in the woods._

**_“How’s the view there princess? Saw any good prey around?”_ **

**_He used to ask me to be his eyes in the sky as he is guarding what moves on the ground._ **

**_“No daddy!” the small me would pout and glare at the horizon for a sign of something good to eat._ **

**_In our return home mother would have scold me and dad for being late and hear how I almost got lost from father while I was chasing a wild rabbit, but her anger would vanish fast as she caresses my cheeks._ **

**_“My light, never leave us, okay? It doesn’t matter if today we eat or not, tomorrow will sure find something.”_ **

**_“Exactly little light, always stay around. You know how mommy hates darkness.” My father would laugh and ruffle the hair on witch mother worked so much to remake my braided hair._ **

**_Scoffing she would raise a brow and slap his hand away starting to work on my hair again.”Your father is scared of darkness as well, little light, look at him shaking.”_ **

**_And there it was a big loyal zen-whoberian warrior shaking his knees in a comical way making mother laugh._ **

**_“No mommy! I will never leave you!” I’d hug my mother before running to my father and hug him too.”I will protect you daddy!”_ **

**_My father would play along and sigh relieved.”Thank you, brave warrior.” And rising me in his arms he would kiss my cheek and whisper.“That’s my Gamora.”_ **

> _There were happy days…despite sometimes my stomach would hurt from hunger, or my father and mother fight over that we need to move again._

 

* * *

 

 

> _I don’t think a day passed without the voice of “Kill yourself. Save others. Just die and everyone will be safe.” rang in my brain as we were on a mission, or serving a cold bowl of soup, repairing some weapons or even now, the laughter of others were echoing in the ship and somehow I find myself holding that cursed dagger wondering “what if…”, will this actually bring happiness to them?_
> 
> _The blade was sharper than the godslayer, I know that because I do take care of it everyday. Holding it on one finger, admiring the bloodlike liquid inside with a morbid fascination like I was hypnotized._
> 
> _‘Perfectly balanced…’_

 

“Hey Gamora!” a loud voice scared the most dangerous woman in the galaxy almost making her dropped the little dagger.

The loud voice had an even bigger smile on his face as the owner of both of them grabbed her shoulders.

“I was thinking…me and Rocket are up to go to that bar, wanna join us? Maybe we can play a little cards? Win ourselves some good cash and hit the first store on our back home.” He purred in her ear.

“In your dreams, Peter.” she scoffed but those hands tight their hold to earn the attention he wanted.

“I promised you, just one game and I will take care to clean all Groot’s vines for a week. “ he started his negotiation.

“Three weeks and maybe I will come with you.”she looked at his pouting.

“Nope, one week and three days. My last offer, my lady.” he tried his luck.

“Three weeks Peter. I see you learned nothing about the art of negotiations from the revengers.” Gamora reply cheeky.

“Ughhh two weeks that is all I can do.” He let go of her shoulders just to fold his arms in defense.

“Fine fine, two weeks and 3 days.”

Peter grabbed his hair and groaned. “Man! You won’t let me go easy,huh? Fine. Just…come on, let’s go. I want to place my bets.” He grinned like an idiot at his little device that informed him how many units he has.

“Are you sure you want to bet that much?” Gamora came next to him and looked at the lighting screen.”You don’t seem to be that lucky today.”

Peter Quill is a sore loser, everyone who played space monopoly with him knows this, but he will always appreciate a good roast.

“Fair enough. Then, I might let you bet for me then…come on.”he pulled her closer to him and laughed happy flashing his charming smile that Gamora will never admit that it does make her blush a little.

* * *

 

> _I always hated myself for feeling this. To feel assured of your sly smile and careless attitude. I hate that I feel safe when your arm rest around my shoulders as you tell us about some songs you get chills on. I hate the light in your eyes that seem to shine only for me…and I can’t help but wonder. When will darkness take that light away from me? It might come a day when your light will exist for someone else to guide and I hope I won’t be around anymore in that time…because if I’m not dead, that would kill me instantly._
> 
> _Peter, I wished you’d only smile like that to me._
> 
> _But darkness never forgives anyone._
> 
> _She takes and takes, in her depths, souls that should never die. And she feasts on love and pure hearts just to see the others cry, cause for her, the tears are made to be the blood that keep her growing._
> 
> _You will lose brave warrior, trust what you’ve learned. Don’t get attached. Don’t show emotions. Don’t…love._
> 
> * * *
> 
>  
> 
>  

“NO! PETER!”

Gamora jumped from the bed not so gracefully and grabbed her godslayer, she looked horrified at the empty space in her bed and burst out of the bedroom. The halls of the ship were too silent and she could feel the bile rising in her mouth.

‘No…it must be late…maybe…maybe everyone is sleeping or…’

Her brain was making so many theories and possibilities if their ship was attacked that she almost missed the guttural singing.

‘Music…music…this is good…it means he is…alive.’

A soft humming came from the room with the big table they used to discuss plans and eat, it was more of a multifunction room as Rocket would like to call it, he uses it especially to eat while building up star-destroyer bombs.

Peter was dancing around with the new headphones Gamora brought him from a vendor on Nova, from the little fridge placed between two metal drawers and to the table, he was using a knife as a ‘’microphone’’ to sing at it. A weird tradition he says that’s from Earth, when you sing you need to hold a microphone.

He stopped when his eyes raised from the sandwiches he was making to the woman that was nonchalant staying in the door judging him.

“Oh hey there Gamora, what brings you here in this fine night?” taking his headphones off he gestured to the chair next to him.”Come, join me.”

“Peter, you were supposed to be in bed.” Clearing her throat and taking advantage that the man was now agitated trying to come with an excuse she hide her godslayer, her steps became steady as her heart as she came closer to see what he did taking the seat next to him. Finally she could relax seeing that he was there and there was…no darkness.

It was a long silent moment in witch Peter was slowly cutting some slices of meat preparing another round of what he calls ‘burgers’.

“What?” he smirked playful approaching closer to surprised face of his partner. He let down the knife he uses to cut wires while he works on the ship but this time he used it for cutting his ‘special’ ingredients  and wipe his mouth with the sleeve of his grey shirt.”Do still have some…mayo on my mustache?”

“No, but you do have some nerves to cheat on the diet I worked so much to organize it for you.” She gently pushed him away.

“Oh…Sorry Gamora.” He sighed.”Can we put this as another cheat day?.Anyway Drax said this three pecks chicken mayonnaise is super extra light.”

“You know that is a lie, right? Peter. You asked me to help you get stronger and look what you’re doing.”she gestured to the big pile of meat and vegetables between two slices of bread in front of her.

“Yeahhh, but I am starving. Come on! Here taste my super-extra low calories amazing burgers! “ he offered the last one he was working on it and places the plate in front of her giving his best smile.

“No.”

“Pleaseeee, Oh come on…I really worked on this one! It’s with a special ingredientttttt…” he sweeten his voice.

Gamora’s rested bitchface didn’t moved a muscle.

“Okay, you ruin the surprised. You should have asked ‘what is the special ingredient Peter?’ and I would have go with ‘Oh, well it’s loovvveeee’ and then….”

“I’m going to bed.”she

“No no no! Come on. “he grabbed her wrist before she was off her chair and gave a pleading look”Here. You know…if you eat too with me you help me, since I will eat even less than I planed.”

“Ehhh…fine Peter. Just this once if you promise you won’t do make it a habit out of this.”

“Fineeeee...you really are hard to pleased.” He looked sad taking his place at the table and munch on the burger.” I might be sleepwalking some nights and do this you know? That won’t be me, me. It’s an illness…”

Gamora rolled her eyes at him before taking a bite of the burger in front of her.

The sweet taste of the meat mixed with the succulent vegetables and sauce were a royal delight for her taste buds and for a moment she forgot why and how she end up there, eating with him as he strikes another conversation about some new improvement he wants to do on his guns, or how the song he was listing to it was so danceable …There were this moments that made her life seem to begin from there and the future looked much easy to walk forward.

This conversations that seem so silly and pointless, softy whispers so none of others could hear, the way their legs were bumping under the table or the silky touches they share as they reach for different items on the table were the invisible bubble Gamora wished she could forever stay in.

“See? I added some green to always remember I have to work hard to get such a treat.” He winked and pointed to the salad in the sandwich.

Shaking her head Gamora tried to stop the smile that man seem so proud of his joke.

“Ha! You smiled! Soooo….is that good, huh? Told ya’ I am a great chef.Too bad everyone around have bad taste. Well, except you of course. My cuisine is the finest.” he licked his fingers giving her an OK sign.

She almost chocked from laughter and punched Peter to stop him making any more jokes.

“It is good. Thank you for the meal.” Gamora finished the burger faster than Peter, and left the man with his jaw hanging looking at her spotless plate and then at her prideful smile of ‘I won again’.

“Wha…when…Hey! Don’ you want to stay with me..maybe…help me clean up?” he stutter trying to stop the woman that already put her plate in the dishwasher and looked at him with a raised brow.

“Peter. You got one dish to wash, I am pretty sure you can handle it without my help." she wipe her hands ignoring the man that was trying his best to not let her leave.

“Ughhh, it was an innuendo! I was hoping for some time together…Heeeyy! You can’t treat your chef like that! I won’t cook for you anymore! Hey! Gamora! Come back!” he was dramatically calling for her until he gave up and return to clean the table with no motivation.

Gamora chuckled to herself on her way out but in the moment her feet step outside the room, the heavy cloth of guilt lean on her shoulders again.

> _All this moments…please…just let me enjoy them a little more._
> 
> _Before I…_

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't write a thing since exams started and I am scared what a ''nightmare'' this one is.   
> Please forgive me for all the grammar mistakes and all!!!


End file.
